


I Will Keep Dreaming Until I Can Be Together With You

by Tren



Category: Fate/Grand Order
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Crossdressing, Denial, Dreams and Nightmares, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Memory Alteration, Multi, Pining, Texting, Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:34:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23553121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tren/pseuds/Tren
Summary: Ritsuka's one-sided crush on Doctor Roman is really not making the whole saving the world shtick easy, but little does he know that his love life is about to become even more complicated as a certain half-incubus decides to visit Doctor Roman's dreams.
Relationships: Fujimaru Ritsuka/Everyone, Fujimaru Ritsuka/Romani Archaman/Merlin | Caster
Comments: 9
Kudos: 59
Collections: Chocolate Box - Round 5





	I Will Keep Dreaming Until I Can Be Together With You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jaclynhyde](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaclynhyde/gifts).



> This treat is really late, but I hope you will enjoy it! I loved your prompt for this ship!
> 
> There are no actual sex scenes shown in the story, but there's so much implied sexual content that I couldn't in good conscience give this story a lower rating.
> 
> Thanks to Karios for beta.

If someone asked Ritsuka when his crush started (and nobody would, because that was one secret he wasn’t planning to share with anyone) he wouldn’t be able to say. However, some part of him knew that he was doomed the very moment Ritsuka met him.

It was a chance meeting, really. Pretty standard stuff, honestly: running into each other, sharing some cake, talking about Chaldea, surviving a bombing because they were too busy talking to pay attention to time.

Okay, maybe the last part wasn’t that normal, but honestly Ritsuka’s definition of normal now involved saving the world alongside mythical and historical figures. He could be forgiven for classifying a bombing as an everyday occurrence. Especially ever since he had summoned Mephistopheles.

Anyway, his new normal also involved a kouhai who could change into a shield-wielding Servant, Leonardo Da Vinci who looked like Mona Lisa, and the new acting director of Chaldea, Archaman Romani. Also known as Ritsuka’s new and definitely unrequited crush. 

Maybe it was the fact that he was such a normal person that made Ritsuka drawn to him. Doctor Roman liked sweets, a certain virtual idol, and looked way too good in a ponytail. It was funny really, if you thought about it. Ritsuka could now meet characters from legends, people who changed the world, and the world's most beautiful men and women—and yet, the person he ended up coming back to most often was Doctor Roman. And for the most shallow reasons, if he was honest with himself.

It was a dumb crush. Not the first one in Ritsuka’s life. Not even the first unrequited one. But this one was particularly hard to deal with, because he couldn’t just stop interacting with Doctor Roman. Not while they were working together on reversing an apocalypse, which was a very important job. Unfortunately, that job really wasn’t helping with his feelings since it gave Ritsuka plenty of opportunities to joke around with and tease Doctor Roman.

Well, there was only one way Ritsuka knew how to deal with this: Hide his affection behind some mean-spirited jokes and hope his feelings would pass.

He had a world to save. And when the world was saved the only thread connecting them would disappear. Ritsuka wasn’t stupid. He understood that much.

But understanding the situation wasn’t going to make his feelings disappear anytime soon.

*

Roman sighed. It had been a long day. Another Singularity had been resolved through the combined efforts of Mash and Ritsuka. They were now in their quarters, getting some well deserved rest. It was a shame the staff couldn’t indulge. Roman made sure to dismiss the personnel so they could get their well-deserved rest too, but someone always needed to monitor the situation, so he stayed behind. Once everybody was up, they would be busy again. Now that Ritsuka and Mash retrieved another Holy Grail the staff needed to do their part and find the next Singularity as soon as possible.

Roman rubbed his eyes, trying to chase sleepiness away. He only needed to last for two more hours. After that, another staff member would switch with him. Unfortunately, the quiet humming of computers was doing little to fill the lonely silence in the command room. Unable to stand it, Roman opened a browser and typed the address of a familiar site. A sparkling banner welcomed him, instantly bringing a smile to his face. He had just helped bring the world closer to being saved, he could indulge a little, right?

He put on one of the songs and accessed the sound system. Instantly, the room was filled with familiar pop music. Not for the first time, Roman marveled at the fact that an AI could make such upbeat music. Theoretically, he knew that the mood of the music was influenced by how notes were arranged. There wasn’t any reason why a computer wouldn’t be able to replicate the results. However, there was a difference between theory and reality.

A small ping caught Roman’s attention. Magi☆Mari was active in the chat.

Roman quickly looked at the console before him making sure that the readings were within the norm and nothing was on fire, before entering the chat. There would be no harm in a quick conversation.

 **HopelessRomantic:** How are you doing Magi☆Mari?

 **Magi☆Mari:** Fine! I’m working on a new song! How about you?

 **HopelessRomantic:** Oh, it’s fine too. I’m slowly getting used to my new responsibilities.

 **Magi☆Mari:** I know a sudden promotion can be hard, but don’t give up! I’m sure you can do it! But please be sure to find some time to rest!

 **HopelessRomantic:** Don’t worry, I will make sure to find time to watch your new videos.

 **Magi☆Mari:** I know you will! I was just trying to make sure you will get some sleep so you won’t give everyone trouble by falling asleep while doing your job. Nobody likes guys like that, you know?

 **HopelessRomantic:** Eh, really?! I will do my best to maintain a healthy balance then! I will not disappoint you, Magi☆Mari!

 **Magi☆Mari:** That’s what I like to hear~

*

Ritsuka wasn’t quite used to being the most popular guy in school, but somehow that was his new life. The most popular Master in the times of apocalypse. The only one really, but somehow it seemed Servants liked him anyway.

Ritsuka was sure that if there were other Masters in Chaldea that wouldn’t be the case. All the ones who got caught in the explosion caused by Lev were probably smarter and better than him. Except they weren’t here, so Ritsuka smiled and pretended that he really was the best Chaldea had to offer. He could do that much.

The bigger problem was his absolute lack of experience when it came to _closer interactions_. It was one obstacle that was hard to overcome without him actually admitting it to someone. And he really, _really_ didn’t want to wreck his relationship with any Servant by giving them a bad time.

Luckily, the solution arrived in Chaldea in the form of Gilgamesh who only needed several days to ascertain the problem and then proceeded to fix it in his usual standoffish way. Not that Ritsuka wasn’t grateful, it was just a slightly bewildering experience to have King of Heroes barge into his room, proceed to undress him and when Ritsuka remained frozen in place shout angrily, “Don’t you want to lose your virginity, mongrel?” It just wasn’t quite what he imagined his first time would be like. Especially, because apparently this wasn’t going to be so simple. Once Ritsuka made a slightly bewildered nod, Gilgamesh apparently took that not only as agreement for having sex, but also giving Ritsuka a full sexual education course. At the same time.

Ritsuka even got quizzed afterwards, because apparently Gilgamesh was a thorough type. Who knew. After that he left the room, muttering, “Make sure to remember so you don’t get hurt.”

That was probably the closest he ever came to caring.

The next day, Ritsuka finally gathered the courage to invite Marie for an overnight stay. After that he had no trouble getting along with his Servants. 

*

Roman’s dream was always the same one. The same burning landscape, the same suffering voices, the same choking smoke. Yet, somehow it was as heart-wrenching each time he saw it.

But today there was something new.

Roman once believed he would welcome any sort of hope within this barren wasteland. Anything that would take his mind away from the surrounding misery.

Ah, what a human experience to learn that some wishes should be left ungranted.

“Even for an apocalypse it’s terribly dreary, don’t you think? The burning buildings and dead bodies are fine and all, but if it were up to me there would also be some cool craters somewhere. Or at least one body of a monster for that fantasy apocalypse feel. I hate your era’s trend of zombie apocalypses. They are so dull. How about you, Romani?”

The chatterbox that had invaded his dreams was some sort of a mage. He was wearing pure white robes and had been idly following Roman through the wasteland. Roman had been ignoring him for quite some time, afraid to interact. If that being had enough power to enter his mind, it could probably also alter it. However, his patience was starting to run really low.

“At least a zombie would be quiet and wouldn’t ask me what kind of apocalypse I liked,” he replied, annoyed.

“Oh, finally he speaks!” The mage shouted satisfied. He even made an annoying victorious sign with his fingers.

“I don’t know who you are. Stop following me,” Roman hissed. The mage was really starting to get on his nerves.

“My, that’s rude. You might have lost your powers, but you still shouldn’t treat a fellow Clairvoyant so coldly,” the mage whined. 

It took Roman a second to actually process what the mage had said, because for one, he apparently knew who Roman used to be. And secondly, there was a very limited pool of people who had possessed Clairvoyance of this level.

“Mage of Flowers? Really?!”

“Oh, what might have given that away,” Merlin said, unapologetically standing in a pool of freshly bloomed flowers. Larkspurs. Roman was sure that a moment ago there was a different type of flower blooming around Merlin. Did he have influence over the flowers blooming around him? Or was it something beyond his control?

“You are even more insufferable than I thought you would be,” Roman admitted, relaxing a bit despite himelf. At least it wasn’t an enemy. Sure, Merlin was proving to be an annoyance of the highest caliber and Roman always thought that his Clairvoyance was the most unsettling one, but at least he had a stake in humanity’s survival.

“We only just met and you are already treating me so harshly,” Merlin complained. “I thought you would be happy that I decided to interrupt your boring nightmare, but instead you are acting like I’m a bother! Don’t you think you are the unreasonable one?”

Roman paused, considering his words.

“Did you ask me if you could enter my dreams first?” he asked instead, his voice unimpressed.

“I can’t talk with you without entering your dreams first, you do realize that?” 

Roman sighed. It was annoying how that explanation actually made sense.

“Look, I don’t think I need to tell you that the situation is dire and this is no time for jokes,” Roman said, but Merlin seemed utterly disinterested in his voice.

“You don’t know that. Maybe this is exactly the time when we need some levity! You will just exhaust yourself if you keep being so high strung,” Merlin pointed out.

Roman glared at him.

“I don’t want to hear that from someone who doesn’t even experience emotions. You have no idea what it’s like,” Roman hissed. He knew that much. Merlin was very much like he used to be in the past.

Or rather he was very similar to Solomon in that respect.

“Yeah, I’d rather not,” Merlin agreed easily. “I tried them once and it was terrible.”

Roman almost asked him if he perhaps meant the fall of Camelot, but before he could do so, Merlin disappeared. The only thing remaining, in the spot where he was a moment ago, were dead leaves that must have fallen from some of the flowers that had appeared around him.

*

Roman was conflicted. Or to be more accurate he was disappointed in himself.

He was a coward. He knew that about himself. He feared the impending challenges and their consequences more than anyone, yet he knew he needed to act in order to ensure a bright future for everyone.

That’s right, this was a part of his responsibilities. He couldn’t run away from it anymore. Even if everything had been going well for now, his inaction could lead to a disaster in the future.

He needed to do it. For the sake of Chaldea.

He took a deep breath to calm himself.

“So why did you ask me here, Doctor Roman?” Fujimaru asked. His smile was calm, though he kept sneaking glances around the lab, unable to completely stop himself from fidgeting. Normally, Roman would try to calm his patient, but there was no easy way to say what he wanted. He took a deep breath. 

Be calm. Be professional, Roman.

“It has come to my attention that you recently became… more active,” he started awkwardly. Honestly, Roman had no idea why it was so embarrassing for him. He had prepared himself for today with Mash in mind. It should have been easier to do this with someone whom he hadn’t spent the last five years taking care of. “That’s why, as the main physician, it’s my duty… to make sure we have a _talk_.”

Roman had to resist the urge to hide his face behind the clipboard. He was sure he was blushing. Fujimaru hadn’t reacted, but the blank look on his face suggested that he had yet to finish processing what he’d just heard. Roman hated how awkward this was. They were both guys, he shouldn’t have felt so embarrassed at the prospect of explaining those things to Fujimaru. Solomon had plenty of experience on the matter, so it shouldn’t have been the problem, but Doctor Roman…

Okay, maybe he was slightly too busy preparing for the incineration of humanity to consider getting together with someone. Big deal! 

Finally, Fujimaru seemed to have rebooted, a flush appearing on his face, as he quickly hid his face behind his hand.

“YES! ...errrr, I mean, no… There’s no need. I got some pretty good practical lessons from… Da Vinci! Yes, she already explained everything!” Fujimaru said, stuttering while trying to talk too fast. 

Roman couldn’t help finding the pause before mentioning Da Vinci suspicious. It either meant he was lying or he had more Servants to choose from, which forced him to stop and consider which was the best to mention.

Roman tried to not think about it. He really shouldn’t consider— 

“Really, Da Vinci?! I knew she was a pervert, but I didn’t think she would jump you?!” he shouted, unable to handle that newfound information. He doubted Fujimaru was lying, it very much sounded like something Da Vinci would do.

“Oh, no, it’s okay! I agreed to that!” Fujimaru said quickly. “Everybody is actually surprisingly thoughtful. I’m learning a lot about them. Cursed Arm Hassan was very sweet and he definitely can use his long arm for more than just assassination. Mordred was so excited when I explained pegging to her. And then David was—”

“That’s enough!” Roman squawked, because that was one encounter he never ever wanted to hear about. Just knowing about it made Roman feel extremely annoyed. 

“Ah, sorry, that was probably too much information,” Fujimaru said, apologetically. He was rubbing his neck, while laughing awkwardly. It was almost hard to believe that this innocent boy was the one sleeping around with all his Servants. 

Not that Roman was one to talk, really, given his past.

“No, don’t apologize. This is something I need to know as your physician,” Roman said, desperately trying to return to acting like a doctor. Instead of getting sidetracked, because his mind was busy trying to imagine Fujimaru getting pegged.

No, stop, Roman. You are a doctor. Be professional about it.

“Well, then if it’s about stuff that affects my physical condition, I should probably mention that usually I’m the one bottoming,” Fujimaru admitted, his voice perfectly level. He seemed to be thinking really hard about what parts of his very active sex life were relevant for the examination. Roman found himself unable to stop Fujimaru from oversharing. “I find it really fun, you know! Servants usually assume that I will want to top, so they are pleasantly surprised about it. I guess it makes sense in some way, I’ve always preferred to be a little spoon..”

Roman just kept smiling, as he internally screamed. He wished he could hit himself with the clipboard to stop thinking about things Fujimaru was saying, without looking weird.

It was going to be a _very long_ consultation.

*

“Looks like we found the culprit responsible for incineration of humanity… it’s you!” Merlin said, as he made an exaggerated pose, pointing straight at Roman.

Roman’s disgusted expression was the only answer Merlin got to his terrible and tone-deaf joke.

“Oh, my, I thought you would at least have some rebuttal,” Merlin admitted, jumping off a piece of rubble he used as a soapbox. As he came down, he left behind a trail of white flowers Roman didn’t recognize.

“This isn’t funny,” Roman said.

“No, it’s hilarious. Who would have thought you would be causing and trying to prevent incineration of humanity at the same time,” Merlin said with a smirk, patting Roman’s shoulder with unfounded familiarity.

Roman swatted his hand away.

“That’s not me!” he shouted, letting out all the frustration he couldn’t have shown in Chaldea.

He meant it. For one, he no longer was Solomon. Sure, he had his memories, but Roman was keenly aware that he was now a different being than the Servant he once used to be. Roman would definitely not be able to suggest sawing babies in half with a straight face. That was messed up and he couldn’t help judging Solomon for that stunt. Sure, they didn’t have DNA tests back in Jerusalem but there surely had to be a better way of determining parenthood. One that didn’t involve suggesting murdering a baby to its mother.

And for another…

“Solomon shouldn’t have any reason to destroy humanity. His role was to guide humanity on a proper course set by God. The person Ritsuka and Mash met didn’t feel like him,” Roman explained.

“Oh, I definitely agree. He at least seemed somewhat interesting, unlike the old you.”

Roman wasn’t even sure if he liked his past self all that much, but he still felt annoyed.

“The true problem are the demons. They _are_ a genuine article,” Roman admitted. “I thought about it, but there’s no way someone could get another set of seventy-two demons so similar to the real deal.”

“Maybe they found a new, better Solomon now that the old one is busy eating sweets and following internet idols,” Merlin suggested with a wink.

“You know that the old me is still somewhere there in the Throne. It’s not like he stopped existing when I incarnated,” Roman pointed out. “Whatever I do doesn’t reflect on Solomon all that much.”

He knew he was right. Solomon was still out there in the Throne, doomed to forever struggle with understanding humanity. Romani Archaman was simply a possibility that Solomon was never given. The second he incarnated that connection was cut... with the exception of one small memento that Roman still kept. 

“So much self-deprecation… do you feel inferior compared to who you used to be?” Merlin asked, lightly kicking a round piece of rubble.

Roman didn’t say anything. There were no words that could express the storm of feelings that this careless question caused. Merlin had no right to ask that. Whatever complicated feelings Roman had about his former self they were his to have and his to overcome. He didn’t need some meddling arthurian half-incubus poking his staff into them.

“Even if I tried to explain it to you, you wouldn’t understand,” Roman finally said, his voice bitter. “You aren’t human enough for that.”

This time, however, Merlin seemed to be prepared for that particular rebuttal.

“Well, yes, I’m not. That’s precisely why I’m asking. It’s through conversation that people gain understanding of each other, don’t they?”

Even now Merlin kept not understanding. It was frustrating. Especially, because Roman could remember what it was like to not understand. He remembered the detached fascination, not enough of a feeling on its own, but rather a shadow of a feeling that persisted throughout his life. Like a slight thirst that can never be quite quenched. He could bask in other people’s feelings, but he couldn’t absorb them. Like a mug with a hole, he could never be filled.

The idea of returning to his old, more emotionless self scared Roman almost as much as the threat hanging over humanity. He had a lot of respect for the kind of person Solomon was, but he didn’t want to be that person. Not anymore.

“That’s only for people who have the same standing... but that’s not the case. I’m not a conversation partner for you. I’m just a guinea pig so you can observe what it’s like for someone like you or Solomon to become human,” Roman said, his voice full of hurt. He would normally never get so angry, but Merlin seemed to be really great at pushing his buttons.

Besides for once Roman couldn’t find it in himself to fear retaliation. Anger was too human of an emotion for Merlin to possess.

“It’s true that your circumstances made me initially interested in you, but that’s not—”

However, Roman didn’t let him finish, too frustrated to even hear Merlin out.

“Exactly, so please stay in Avalon and never interact with me ever again, unless it’s about saving the world!” Roman shouted, feeling more and more fed up with the Mage of Flowers. “I have important work to do! I don’t have time to entertain you!”

Merlin’s face remained completely blank at that outburst. It must have been so unexpected that Merlin actually forgot to fake the emotions on his face.

“Oh, fine, fine.” For the first time in the conversation Merlin sounded somehow disappointed. Roman blinked, caught slightly off guard by that fact. The flowers blooming by Merlin’s feet were now purple carnations. “If you have no time for me then I will go and talk with humanity’s final Master. What was his name? Ritsuka Fujimaru?”

Roman suddenly felt heaviness in his stomach. He didn’t want Merlin to go meet Fujimaru. Out of all the people…

“Now, now, don’t give me that frightened look. I’m not going to spill your secrets. I just want to have a friendly chat with him,” Merlin said, waving his hand. “I will stop bothering you, so have fun enjoying the same nightmare as always.”

With those words Merlin disappeared, turning into hundreds of petals that quickly flew away. All that was left behind was a single yellow chrysanthemum.

*

The world was burning around him, as Ritsuka slowly walked around Fuyuki. He was aware that what he was witnessing wasn’t real. Which meant that soon either a Servant would appear or he would get attacked by something. Probably both.

“Please don’t be alarmed, this is just a dream,” someone said, suddenly appearing behind him. They had a gentle male voice—a voice Ritsuka didn’t recognize. 

Ritsuka turned around to see a man in a long white robe. Clearly a caster type. He had a friendly smile, but Ritsuka had been interacting with Servants long enough to know that their faces often didn’t betray their true emotions.

“I’m worried because this is a dream,” Ritsuka explained, looking at the burning surroundings. “Is it a type of dream where if I don’t defeat seven enemies in a week I will die?”

The mage laughed in response.

“No, no, I’m the only one here and I don’t like violence. It’s a normal one-night long dream, I just decided to come for a visit since you seemed to be a very interesting person,” the strange mage admitted.

Oh, so the curious type. Ritsuka was aware that he had been becoming a somewhat famous figure for Servants. He wasn’t sure how the information spread around with the world being destroyed and all, but it was probably one of those things where there was no point thinking too deeply about it.

“Well, if you just came here to talk, I don’t mind,” Ritsuka said, looking around to see if there was someplace to sit on. Unfortunately, there was mostly rubble around.

“What a gracious host! Most people get offended when I appear in their dreams,” the mage said, sounding deeply touched by the fact that he was being shown hospitality. He snapped his fingers and elaborate chairs appeared, one next to him and another one right behind Ritsuka.

“Oh, this happens pretty often. Though it’s usually Servants I had already contracted that I meet in my dreams,” Ritsuka admitted, sitting down on the chair. It was probably the nicest dream meetup he had with a Servant yet. Usually, he would have to support his Servant while they beat up another version of themself. Or someone else. Somehow managing Servants mental health mostly consisted of said Servants beating someone up in either a dream or a simulator.

Not that Ritsuka particularly minded, he liked to help people solve their problems.

“I’m glad I came, you really are an interesting one,” the mage said with a wide smile.

“Ummm, you seem to know me, but who are you? I don’t think we met before,” Ritsuka said.

“Oh, I’m afraid I can’t tell you my True Name yet. It’s too early for that. So you can refer to me as your big brother for now,” the mage suggested. 

“Big brother?” Ritsuka repeated. It was a very youthful sounding title. This suggested the mage in front of Ritsuka was one of those long-lived types who you should never ask for their actual age. Some sort of ancient trickster mage maybe?

“Yes, I’m a reliable big brother! While I can’t help you directly due to some complicated circumstances, I decided I should at least visit and cheer you on,” the man announced excitedly. It was only now that Ritsuka realized that the mage’s presence caused flowers to bloom around him, rather than flowers being a part of the dream. They seemed to be blue irises.

Ritsuka nodded. His explanation sounded reasonable.

“Thank you for supporting our efforts. I hope we don’t disappoint,” he replied, politely.

“Don’t worry, I’m already deeply impressed,” the mage assured him. “I think you are a perfect person for the job.”

“Oh, ummm, thank you,” Ritsuka muttered, not expecting the praise. Most Servants were much harder to impress.

“Ahhh, what a bashful face. You look almost like Romani,” the mage laughed, visibly amused.

“You know Doctor Roman?” Ritsuka asked, in surprise. That was new. Servants were usually solely focused on Chaldea’s Master. Or sometimes Mash since she also travelled with him to the Singularities, but very few of them showed any interest in the staff supporting them (with the exception of Da Vinci who was a Servant herself).

“Oh, yes, you could say that. I’ve been watching everyone’s efforts, not just yours,” the mage explained, as if the wide scope of his voyeurism was perfectly normal. “He’s also an interesting one. His expressions are so amusing. Make sure to tease him often.”

“Sure,” Ritsuka agreed without thinking. He would do so anyway even without being told. He blinked, as he realized that the flowers surrounding the mage were now heathers.

“Ah, I knew you would understand me,” the mage said, happily. “Do you mind if I visit you in dreams sometimes? It’s not often that I get a chance to talk with such a nice person as you. I’ve been getting a bit lonely,” the mage admitted.

Ritsuka wondered if it was really the case. Something about the way the mage acted felt just slightly off. Ritsuka couldn’t put his finger on it and it probably wasn’t a big deal. Most of the Servants stood out in some way when it came to their behaviour or morality. 

He nodded, deciding that there was no point in overthinking it.

“Well, it seems you will be waking up soon, so it’s time to go. Just to be on the safe side I will make sure you don’t remember this dream,” the mage said, lightheartedly.

“Wait, really? Even after you didn’t give me your True Name?”

“Oh, don’t worry, you will still remember everything in your dreams,” the mage assured him. “Besides this way I will be able to make a good first impression if we do manage to meet!”

Ritsuka wanted to protest that it didn’t make the situation any less unfair, but the next second he was swept by a hailstorm of flower petals.

When Ritsuka woke up he remembered nothing of the dream he had.

*

“Fujimaru!”

Ritsuka had to steel himself as he felt his heart skip a beat. Doctor Roman was, ironically, bad for his health.

“Doctor Roman, did something happen?” he asked, making sure that he acted normally. Spending time with Servants at least helped him improve his poker face.

“Ah, sorry for calling you all of a sudden,” Doctor Roman said, apologetically. There was no need for such a tone, though, because Ritsuka would gladly pay to be called by Doctor Roman every day. Even if it was doing terrible things to his heart.

“You look pretty stressed out, Doctor,” Ritsuka said instead. “Did you have a nightmare?”

So many emotions flashed through Doctor Roman’s face that Ritsuka ended up even more confused.

“Yes! No… I mean… Did _you_ have any strange dreams, Fujimaru?!” Doctor Roman asked, putting his hand on Ritsuka’s shoulder.

It was so sudden, Ritsuka had no time to emotionally prepare. He just looked at Doctor Roman like a deer in the headlights, desperately hoping he wasn’t blushing.

“I don’t think so…? I don’t remember any dreams... Was there something strange in my medical readings tonight?” he asked. He sure hoped there wasn’t going to be another dream problem. He was still recovering from that time when he escaped from the prison with Dantes’ help.

The relief on Roman’s face was immediate.

“Oh, sorry for worrying you, then,” Doctor Roman said, letting go of Ritsuka’s shoulder. “I guess my fears were unfounded.”

He tried to laugh off the matter, but he just ended up sounding extremely awkward. Ritsuka thought it was very cute. He wished Doctor Roman would do it more often. Still, he couldn’t shake off the slight feeling of foreboding.

“Really? Are you okay, Doctor?” he asked, unable to stop his worries. “You look very tired.”

“Ahahaha, you caught me, Fujimaru. I had a pretty terrible nightmare. I felt so frantic when I woke up… I had to confirm everything was fine.”

“You dreamt about me?” Ritsuka asked, feeling triumphant. Sure, the context suggested it wasn’t all that pleasant of a dream, but hey, baby steps. Maybe someday he could get a promotion from nightmares to wet dreams. It wouldn’t be all that impossible, right?

“Yeah, that some really scummy Servant visited you and messed with your mind,” Roman admitted.

Ritsuka opened his mouth to say that this sounded like a regular day to him, but then closed it. Mentioning that he was getting used to the company of Servants with Mental Corruption probably wouldn’t be a very reassuring thing to say to his main physician.

“I’m fine, see! You need to have more faith in me, Doctor!” Ritsuka said, standing up. He hoped that his cheerful voice would make the doctor feel more at ease.

“You are right, Fujimaru. Please come tomorrow so I can do some basic tests just in case,” Doctor Romani said, finally breaking a small smile.

Ritsuka smiled back, unable to hold back the fluttery feeling in his chest.

*

 **HopelessRomantic:** This may sound stupid, but I got into argument with someone yesterday and now I can’t help feeling bad about it

 **Magi☆Mari:** Fighting with your friends is no good!

 **Magi☆Mari:** You should try to make up

 **HopelessRomantic:** He’s not a friend!!!

 **HopelessRomantic:** He’s an acquaintance I guess. And I honestly hate him.

 **HopelessRomantic:** But what I mostly got annoyed about yesterday was how much he reminded me of how I used to be

 **HopelessRomantic:** So even though I dislike the guy, I feel like he didn’t deserve all that anger

 **Magi☆Mari:** Your job is very stressful from what you told me. It’s probably inevitable you blew up with all the pent up frustration

 **HopelessRomantic:** Is that

 **HopelessRomantic:** No nevermind

 **HopelessRomantic:** Anyway, I really hate the idea of apologizing to that jerk, but at the same time… I want to do something

 **Magi☆Mari:** How about you just tell him how you feel

 **Magi☆Mari:** If he’s like you used to be then he might be a pretty dense guy who needs to have things spelled out for him

 **HopelessRomantic:** Hey!

 **HopelessRomantic:** But you are right

 **HopelessRomantic:** If I meet him again, I will explain things to him

 **HopelessRomantic:** Definitely not apologize

 **HopelessRomantic:** But in a way I know where he is coming from

 **Magi☆Mari:** Communication is a first step to mutual understanding!

 **Magi☆Mari:** So make sure you communicate with me more and more! <3

 **HopelessRomantic:** I will <3

Romani put his phone back on the table. As always talking about his problems with Magi☆Mari helped to cheer him and sort his thoughts. Still, there was one thing he didn’t mention to her.

The terrible fear at the prospect of Fujimaru learning his secret. He always made sure to hide his origins, but he didn’t expect to be so shaken at the idea of Merlin spilling his secret to Fujimaru. It was strange. Sure, they needed to work together, so Roman really didn’t want to admit some of the more uncomfortable truths. Especially now, that someone claiming to be Solomon turned out to be a mastermind.

“He would hate me, if he learned I was Solomon, huh,” Roman muttered to himself.

Maybe it was his cowardice speaking, but he didn’t want that. He wanted that brave and kind Fujimaru to keep smiling at him just like always.

If he could make sure Fujimaru and Mash kept smiling, he would have no regrets no matter what future awaited them all.

*

“And then I kept telling him in way too much detail about my sexual history with Servants and he just kept sitting there and nodding at what I was saying!” Ritsuka recounted, his voice full of frustration. “I thought I would at least make him act embarrassed! But he just kept being all professional and gave me a cream in case I got burns. And I just took it and thanked him. He had no idea how difficult it was for me to talk about all the sex I had with people other than him! I was dying inside, hoping he would get the hint. But no! He just kept being professional through the whole examination! I even mentioned having sex with Da Vinci so he wouldn’t feel too weird about the employee-superior thing, but still nothing… I don’t know what to do anymore!”

Ritsuka sprawled himself over the table to accentuate his desperation over the fact that he couldn’t get his crush to show interest in him. The table was set in the middle of a grassy plain, with the sun shining brightly on the two people.

“I see, that must have been difficult on you, Fujimaru,” the mage agreed, as he put down his tea. “On one hand, I think you might be coming on too strongly, but on the other, Romani sounds like the dense kind of guy who won’t get a hint unless you press him against the wall.”

“But I want him to push me against the wall and say that he has always had feelings for me and can’t control them anymore,” Ritsuka protested, sharing the exact scenario he had envisioned.

The mage chuckled. “I think you will be waiting forever for that.” 

He was a surprisingly easy person to talk to. Ritsuka knew it might not be the smartest thing to share his secret crush with someone whose True Name he didn’t even know, but it felt like the right thing to do. Besides, the mage seemed to be very supportive of his attempts to woo Doctor Roman.

“Maaaaybe, but I need some dreams to push me forward,” Ritsuka admitted. “It doesn’t matter if they aren’t realistic. As long as there is a chance that tomorrow my kabedon fantasies will come true, I will keep saving the world.”

“That’s the spirit!” the mage said, looking like he enjoyed himself.

Ritsuka took a piece of chocolate from a box on the table.

“What about you? Have you ever been in love?” Ritsuka asked.

“I don’t think so. I’m not really the type to go steady,” the mage said dismissively.

Ritsuka blinked at him. That was a suspiciously quick denial.

“It doesn’t have to be a deep love. With your looks you surely had some flings,” he pointed out, deciding to go for some cheap, though definitely not undeserved flattery.

The mage laughed. It was an elongated fake laugh used when you needed to buy more time to answer an uncomfortable question, which Ritsuka had pretty much mastered at this point.

“I guess there were some people. But I wouldn’t describe it as love. I think that love is a deeper emotion than what I’ve experienced.”

Ritsuka continued to chew on his chocolate, as he thought on the mage’s words.

“If you say so,” he finally said with a shrug. “My feelings for Doctor Roman probably also don’t qualify as love. I don’t actually know much about him and all the things I like about him aren’t really special. But I like to think it’s love.”

“Hmmm, but do you want to know more about him?” the mage asked.

“I do,” Ritsuka replied with no hesitation.

“Would you risk your life to protect him?”

“I would,” he replied almost as quickly.

The mage smiled.

“Then maybe those feelings are love after all,” he suggested with an enigmatic smile.

Ritsuka idly watched the blue roses blooming at the mage’s feet.

“Who knows.”

*

Roman stared blankly at the apocalyptic dreamscape. For once, there was something he felt more apprehension about than his prophetic nightmare. 

Which was why Roman was staring at the dead bodies lying on the ground around him, instead of acknowledging the half-incubus hidden behind the nearby wreckage. If he focused on cataloguing the exact wounds, surely he would be able to pretend for just a moment longer that he was the only living person in this hellish landscape. 

Still, he couldn’t put it off forever. He sighed.

“I know you are here. Come out,” Roman said in exasperation.

“My, how did you find me?” Merlin asked, his words as insincere as always. Roman wordlessly pointed at the trail of anemones that Merlin created with each step. Merlin laughed as he glanced at them. “I guess there’s not much other greenery here, huh.”

There wasn’t. Ironically, Merlin would always be the brightest part of Roman’s dreams, his robe and flowers heavily contrasting with death and destruction around him.

“Why did you come?” Roman asked, as he resumed staring at the dead bodies. It felt safer than looking at Merlin right now.

“I guess I wanted to check if you were still angry at me,” Merlin said lightly, but then sighed as if he had to do something unpleasant. “Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize my questions would anger you so much. You… I guess you were right, I _am_ very curious about you. It’s just...”

Merlin trailed off and Roman raised his head to look at him. For the first time since he met him, Mage of Flowers looked honestly troubled. Roman wasn’t sure how he was feeling about it. It felt too human—it didn’t suit Merlin at all.

“You can come here, but on the condition that you never ask those kinds of questions again,” Roman finally said, unable to stand the fact that Merlin was suddenly acting meek. 

“You have a deal!” Merlin said quickly, returning to his usual cheery self. Roman watched as gerberas of all colours spontaneously sprung around Merlin. Once more, Roman couldn’t help wondering if there was any significance behind the flowers.

“There’s just one thing I need to ask. Did… did you go visit Fujimaru?” Roman asked, unable to contain his anxiety. He had no idea why this bothered him so much, but he needed to know what happened.

“Oh, Fujimaru? Yes, I did, but don’t worry. I didn’t give him my True Name, let alone yours. And then I made him forget the whole dream,” Merlin said, his voice relaxed.

This did line up with what Fujimaru said. Roman sighed in relief.

“I didn’t realize this bothered you so much. I said I wouldn’t spill your secrets, you know,” Merlin pointed out, sounding somehow offended at the idea that Roman trusted him that little.

Roman had no rebuttal to that.

“I know,” he said, feeling a pang of guilt despite himself. “Well, as long as you didn’t talk to him about me—”

“Just to be transparent. We did talk about you,” Merlin said, interrupting him. Roman could feel his anxiety suddenly return. 

“You talked—?”

“It wasn’t anything suspicious. I just said I was grateful for all the hard work Chaldea and its staff does and mentioned you since you are the acting director. And it turned out Fujimaru had a lot he wanted to talk about when it came to you,” Merlin explained quickly, seeing Roman’s face drop.

“He wanted to talk about me? What did you talk about?” Roman asked, unable to help his curiosity. He could imagine Fujimaru talking at length about his Servants. But him? Why would he want to talk with Merlin about him... _Oh._ “Let me guess, Fujimaru made fun of me.”

“My lips are sealed. If you are curious you should ask him,” Merlin said, putting a finger to his lips.

“You just said a moment ago you erased his memories of your conversation,” Roman pointed out in exasperation.

Merlin made a thoughtful expression.

“Oh, yes. I guess I did.”

Roman facepalmed. Dealing with Merlin was just too exhausting.

“Anyway, now that we have cleared things up, don't go visiting Fujimaru anymore,” Roman said. He didn’t know why, but even now that he knew his secret was safe, he didn’t want Merlin to keep interacting with Chaldea’s Master. Something about it just bothered him.

Merlin’s face was blank for a moment, before a smirk suddenly split it. 

“I refuse,” he said, strongly. “Fujimaru is fun to talk to and he enjoys my visits. There’s no reason for me to stop.”

“Of course you should stop because…”

Roman trailed off as he realized he didn’t have a rebuttal. It was strange. It wasn’t like him to be so opposed to something without a reason.

Merlin just kept smiling at him in a way that was starting to feel condescending to Roman.

“Well, if you figure out a reason why, don’t hesitate to tell me. But, until then, I will keep talking to him from time to time!” Merlin said, as he waved his hand in goodbye. “Good luck! I’m sure you will soon find some great excuse!”

With those words, Merlin disappeared in a storm of petals. Roman could only stare blankly at the huge snapdragons he left in his wake.

* 

“How are you doing, Master? I’m almost done with mine!” Saber Lily shouted, triumphantly holding up a flower crown. She looked very proud of it.

“I’m still working on mine,” Ritsuka admitted, apologetically. He was only halfway done. Saber Lily was much better at weaving flowers than he was.

He didn’t mind. He enjoyed sitting with Saber Lily in a flower field generated by the simulator. The relaxing atmosphere of this place soothed him and made him forget all his troubles just for a moment. It had been too long since he took a proper break.

“In that case, I will make another one!” Saber Lily decided, nodding. “Maybe I will give it to Mash. Or to my older self. Merlin would probably enjoy one if he was here. He was the one who taught me how to make flower crowns.”

“Merlin?” Ritsuka asked idly, while struggling to add another flower to his flower crown.

“Yes, big brother Merlin!” she replied happily. “Wherever he went flowers would bloom around him, so I sometimes picked them and made a flower crown.”

“Eh, big brother who creates flowers,” Ritsuka muttered under his breath. Her words felt important somehow, but Ritsuka had no idea why. He was so distracted he pulled at the stem too hard, making it bend out of shape. He blinked at the flower. It took him a surprisingly long moment to realize what he had done. “Ah, I think I messed up. Could you take a look?”

Saber Lily leaned forward, gently taking the flower crown out of his hands and showing him how to fix it. When Ritsuka was done with it, he gently placed it on her head. As Saber Lily smiled at him, Ritsuka couldn’t help thinking that a flower crown suited her much better than a real one.

*

 **HopelessRomantic:** I talked with him

 **HopelessRomantic:** The guy who annoyed me

 **Magi☆Mari:** Oh, how did it go?

 **HopelessRomantic:** He apologized

 **Hopeless Romantic:** It was weird

 **Hopeless Romantic:** I almost wish he didn’t

 **Magi☆Mari:** Why not?

 **Magi☆Mari:** If he apologized then it probably means he cares about you

 **HopelessRomantic:** I don’t think he is capable of actually caring about anyone other than himself

 **HopelessRomantic:** He’s selfish, but because he has no actual selfish wishes he acts in a way that can be mistaken for compassion

 **Magi☆Mari:** Hmmm, I don’t get it

 **Magi☆Mari:** He apologized to you. I’m not sure why you are overanalyzing this so much

 **HopelessRomantic:** I

 **HopelessRomantic:** I guess I didn’t expect it

 **HopelessRomantic:** I’m trying to rationalize why that self-serving flowery **** has actually apologized

 **HopelessRomantic:** Ah, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be talking like that in chat

 **Magi☆Mari:** It’s okay! Now I know that profanity filters are still working!~☆

*

Today’s dream took place underwater. The light filtering through the water bent, making everything appear distorted. Including the mage before him.

“That’s an interesting scenery, big brother… or can I call you Merlin?” Ritsuka said, idly.

“Ohhh, guess I should praise you for figuring it out, even after I went to all those lengths to keep your conscious self unaware,” Merlin replied with a smile. “And sure, you are free to call me by my name.”

Ritsuka didn’t say anything, instead looking at the fishes swimming around them.

“So it looks like I can figure out important stuff after I fall asleep, even if I don’t realize I learned something upon hearing it,” he recounted.

“Yeah, if you ever see me outside of the dream I will probably appear extremely familiar to you,” Merlin admitted. “But you will have no idea why.”

“And then I will fall asleep and realize why,” Ritsuka finished with a sigh. “It sounds like a pain.”

“I think it’s impressive you figured my True Name despite all the obstacles,” Merlin admitted, but Ritsuka waved his hand dismissively.

“It was only because Saber Lily actually talks about you unlike any other Arturia,” he admitted.

There was a moment of awkward silence during which Ritsuka realized it might have not been the best thing to say, but Merlin seemed to take the comment in stride.

“Ah, I see.”

Even amid the waves, the red asters around his feet couldn’t be mistaken for any other color.

*

“You do know it is rude to think about someone else when you are in bed with none other than Queen of Connacht,” Medb pointed out as she pressed her finger against his cheek.

Ritsuka laughed very weakly.

“Sorry, I’m still in daze and my mind strayed,” he admitted. His unrequited crush had been getting worse recently. Ritsuka thought that maybe mind-bendingly good sex with his newest Servant could help him, but as soon as the high started to die down his thoughts ended up betraying him. “It’s not like you don’t know what it’s like.”

Medb loomed over him and for a moment Ritsuka feared she would retaliate by taking him for a second round. Which he very much didn’t feel ready for, but she simply made an unamused expression.

“You shouldn’t remind your Queen of such unpleasant things,” she said, her voice carrying a subtle warning.

Ritsuka closed his eyes, forcing himself to gather his thoughts.

“Sorry, I phrased it badly. It’s just… it feels like you are one of very few people who _understands_.”

Ritsuka could see Medb relax slightly at that admission.

“It’s hard to believe there’s someone who’s giving you a hard time,” she finally said.

“Likewise, you are really incredible, Medb,” Ritsuka admitted. Those were his honest feelings. Medb was a formidable opponent and he was glad she had become his ally. But more than that, she felt like the first person he could comfortably talk with about having unrequited feelings towards someone. Phantom of the Opera just didn’t make for a good conversation partner. “Say… does it ever get better?”

Medb was silent for a moment, as she fixed her hair, making sure it wasn’t out of place.

“It doesn’t,” she finally said, her words merciless. “It’s like a wound that never closes. Each time you think you put it past yourself, it starts hurting again.”

“I see,” Ritsuka muttered, dejected.

Medb moved toward him and gently cupped his face.

“Don’t feel down. There will always be a space in _my bed_ for you. And for several other people if you feel particularly lonely,” she purred, her smile mischievous. “I’m confident that I could satisfy you on my own, but it’s nice to throw a party sometimes.”

Ritsuka smiled back at her.

“Thank you, I would love that. Sorry for bringing the mood down,” he said, gently holding her hand.

“Well, if you understand then try to do something about it,” she said, as she leaned on his shoulder. “I doubt you tried every trick in the book.”

“But the thing is… I think… the person I like is more into girls,” Ritsuka explained. All the perverted comments during the Singularities aside, the only known instance of Doctor showing something close to romantic interest was his fixation on an internet idol. Ritsuka, unfortunately, wasn’t even close to looking like one.

Medb chuckled. Ritsuka looked at her confused.

“What, it’s just that? That’s simple! Come on, if I could get Cu to be interested in me simply by getting a dick, I would have done it a long time ago,” she said, while laughing. “Changing your gender with magic is simple.”

“I—I don’t think that’s—” 

“It doesn’t have to be permanent, you know. You just need it to be long enough to convince that person to sleep with you, don’t you?” Medb said, as she winked at him.

It was a bit embarrassing how well she understood Fujimaru’s desires. It was absolutely true. His aim wasn’t anything grand like a serious relationship. He just needed to convince Doctor Roman to have sex once. Honestly, Doctor was enough of a pushover that making him agree once would probably secure future agreements as well. 

Ritsuka grinned to himself. “You are a genius Medb!”

She grinned widely, as if it was obvious.

*

 **Magi☆Mari:** Something on your mind?

 **Magi☆Mari:** Are you still thinking about that guy who annoyed you?

 **HopelessRomantic:** No!

 **HopelessRomantic:** I mean, he isn’t uninvolved, but it’s about something else

 **Magi☆Mari:** Do you want to talk about it?

 **Magi☆Mari:** It will be a secret between the two of us~

 **HopelessRomantic:** Is it alright?

 **Magi☆Mari:** As an idol I need to watch over my fans!

 **Magi☆Mari:** And you are my number one fan, aren’t you?

 **HopelessRomantic:** I will follow you anywhere Magi☆Mari!!!!

 **HopelessRomantic:** So, part of the reason why I was angry at that guy… let’s call him Flowery Bastard for now, is that when we got into the argument he said he would go hang out with a guy who works under me

 **HopelessRomantic:** Let’s call him Reliable Trainee

 **HopelessRomantic:** Anyway there is a secret that I’m keeping that Flowery Bastard knows

 **HopelessRomantic:** Most of my coworkers don’t know it except for the person who is pretty much second-in-command

 **Magi☆Mari:** Oh, a secret? Will you share it with me?~☆

 **HopelessRomantic:** Sorry, it’s a boring kind of secret that requires a lot of explanation. It has to do with my background

 **HopelessRomantic:** It honestly wouldn’t be much of a deal… I mostly kept it a secret, because I didn’t want people to ask me about that part of my past too much

 **HopelessRomantic:** But recently some new developments happened that could make some people dislike me if they learned my secret

 **HopelessRomantic:** It’s a complicated situation where I have no idea what exactly even happened. I can’t even honestly say that it isn’t linked to me, because all the evidence says otherwise.

 **Magi☆Mari:** So have you done something bad? Should I call the police?

 **HopelessRomantic:** No, that’s the confusing part. I haven’t done anything, but at the same time there is a mountain of evidence against me which I can’t explain

 **Magi☆Mari:** Or should I handcuff you and tell you you’re a bad boy~

 **HopelessRomantic:** Was that

 **HopelessRomantic:** ...

 **HopelessRomantic:** Anyway

 **HopelessRomantic:** The Flowery Bastard

 **HopelessRomantic:** When we were arguing and he said he would go talk to the Reliable Trainee I was scared that he would tell him my secret

 **HopelessRomantic:** I

 **HopelessRomantic:** I didn’t expect to be that scared

 **Magi☆Mari:** Awwww, you must really like that Trainee if you were so afraid of him hating you

 **HopelessRomantic:** That’s the thing. I’ve only known Trainee for less than a year, I shouldn’t be that scared of him hating me

 **Magi☆Mari:** He must have grown on you

 **HopelessRomantic:** Yeah, he’s very courageous and friendly. He can literally get along with anyone. And he always does his best for people dear to him

 **HopelessRomantic:** Even though he’s not very strong compared to the people he works with he’s great at managing them. Without him we probably wouldn’t have lasted for so long

 **HopelessRomantic:** I’m always grateful for all the hard work he does for us

 **Magi☆Mari:** Wow, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you compliment someone other than me so much

 **HopelessRomantic:** That’s because Magi☆Mari is the best! ;)

 **Magi☆Mari:** If I didn’t know better I’d think you were dating them

 **Magi☆Mari:** But I know that can’t be the case ;p

 **HopelessRomantic:** Your words are really sharp today…

 **HopelessRomantic:** But coming back to the topic, Flowery Bastard was nice enough to not tell Reliable Trainee my secret. However, now that I thought about the possibility I can’t seem to stop thinking about it

 **HopelessRomantic:** It’s been eating at me for the last two weeks

 **HopelessRomantic:** I keep wondering how would he react if he learned my secret

 **HopelessRomantic:** Would he be disappointed? Scared? Would he hate me? Or would he act like it changes nothing? I can’t say.

 **HopelessRomantic:** It scares me

 **Magi☆Mari:** I was joking earlier, but now I need to ask: Are you _sure_ you don’t have a crush on him?

 **HopelessRomantic:** Of course not

 **HopelessRomantic:** He’s a guy

 **Magi☆Mari:** Okay, then. Would you date him if he was a girl?

 **Magi☆Mari:** You have five seconds to answer! Time start!

 **Magi☆Mari:** One

 **HopelessRomantic:** Wait, what?

 **Magi☆Mari:** Two

 **HopelessRomantic:** What kind of question is that?

 **Magi☆Mari:** Three

 **HopelessRomantic:** I never thought about it!

 **Magi☆Mari:** Four

 **HopelessRomantic:** I

 **Magi☆Mari:** Five

 **HopelessRomantic:** I don’t know

 **Magi☆Mari:** I’m not saying your non-answer is damning, HopelessRomantic

 **Magi☆Mari:** But I think you _really_ should do some soul searching

 **HopelessRomantic:** But

 **Magi☆Mari:** Just think about it

*

Medea gave Ritsuka a critical look.

“I know part of it is my glamour, but even then the result is so good it’s almost scary,” she admitted.

“This is fantastic!” Da Vinci shouted, as she kept filming Ritsuka with a camera. She kept moving around him trying to capture him from as many angles as possible. It was a bit embarrassing, if Ritsuka was being honest with himself.

“Really?” he asked, still feeling self-conscious. He patted the hairs on his wig to make sure they weren’t standing up weirdly.

“Even his voice is cute now! Your magic is incredible, Medea!” Da Vinci shouted, far too excited.

“Well, it would be weird if he still had his normal voice while looking like this,” she said, looking a bit bashful. Da Vinci’s earnest compliments seemed to be getting to her. “Though Master himself can’t hear the difference, since the magic only modifies the sound once it leaves his mouth.”

Ritsuka pulled at his skirt. He wasn’t really used to his legs being exposed so much. Not that he disliked the feeling; it was just unfamiliar.

“Yeah, it doesn’t feel like my voice is different,” he admitted. He looked down at the female uniform he was wearing. It did seem to fit well, so Da Vinci probably wasn’t pulling his leg. “Can I take a look now?”

“Yes, I think we are done,” Medea decided, floating out of the way and finally letting Ritsuka see himself in the mirror. 

He blinked to make sure his eyes weren’t deceiving him.

He didn’t recognize the girl in the mirror. He expected to look like he had just barely fit into the female uniform and skirt, but they fit surprisingly well. He knew part of it was Medea’s glamour, but she had assured him earlier that it wasn’t a complete illusion. Rather it was a spell that was supposed to help obscure some of the imperfections.

He decided to do a victory pose and watched the redhead girl in the mirror do the same pose. The wig Da Vinci gave him fit surprisingly well, as did contact lenses. Ritsuka was sad at first that Da Vinci didn’t have a wig that had the same colour as his hair, but he ended up really liking the new look. Ritsuka spun around and watched his skirt flutter. Shaving his legs was definitely worth the effect.

“I do look cute!” Ritsuka said, happily turning towards Da Vinci and Medea. 

Da Vinci looked like she was about to cry from happiness.

“This is the ultimate collaboration of science and magic!” 

“We did a good job,” Medea admitted, trying to sound far less excited than she seemed to be. Ritsuka noticed the envious glances she was making at Da Vinci’s camera. 

He’d have to tell Da Vinci later that she was prohibited from trying to sell the footage in her shop for mana prisms. Ritsuka would rather not have to deal with the riots that could result from restricting access to video containing his crossdressing adventures. He had a feeling there would be a high demand for it.

“So what now, Fujimaru?” Da Vinci asked, still filming him. “Do you want to do some poses? Or maybe we should go into the wild and film some hilarious reactions of Servants we will encounter?”

Ritsuka rocked on his heels, trying to buy himself some time. Truth was, he hoped for some excuse to find himself alone with Doctor Roman to try this new seduction tactic, but now that he thought about it, it would be impossible to go out into the corridors of Chaldea _without_ attracting a lot of attention.

Well, if he went out there, he still had a chance to run into Doctor Roman.

Ritsuka was about to tell Da Vinci that they should go for a walk, when someone knocked once and then immediately opened the door to Da Vinci’s workshop.

“Where are you, Da Vinci?! You were supposed to take my shift half an hour ago!” Doctor Roman complained. “It was only when I started to cry that someone—” 

His voice trailed off as he looked at Ritsuka.

This was it. Ritsuka’s one-in-a-lifetime chance to pull Doctor Roman out of the clutches of straightness and into the new exciting world of bisexuality through underhanded crossdressing tactics. 

He had trained for this. He hadn’t seen any Magi☆Mari’s videos, but he had seen Doctor Roman instruct some of the younger Servants on her signature pose once when asked for help. Ritsuka saw it and practiced in secret knowing that someday he would surely need it. And now, the time had come.

Ritsuka corrected his posture before leaning forward to the left, his hands behind his back. Then he withdrew to lean forward to the right. This time as he returned to his original posture, he used the momentum to make a single spin. As he stopped, he stretched his hand to the side before confidently placing it on his hip and winked, while bending his knees a bit. He used the other hand to point straight at Doctor Roman.

“How do I look?” he asked, making sure to make his voice as cutesy as possible and praying that Medea’s magic was successful in softening his pitch even more.

Doctor Roman stood rooted in spot, looking completely dazed. During that time Da Vinci shifted her camera to film him rather than Ritsuka. Meanwhile, Medea was nowhere to be seen. Ritsuka suspected she'd hidden herself with magic, not wanting to take part in whatever commotion was about to happen.

Seconds trickled down painfully, as Ritsuka felt his smile strain more and more. He was afraid of breaking the pose, so he kept it despite the fact that it wasn’t very comfortable.

Finally, Romani.exe seemed to have finished rebooting.

“Oh, it’s you, Fujimaru. I didn’t recognize you there for a moment,” Doctor Roman said with his usual kind smile. “Anyway, Da Vinci stop playing around, you still have work to do in the Command Room.”

Ritsuka finally broke the pose as he watched Doctor Roman and Da Vinci argue. The feeling of disappointment that assaulted him was too bitter to swallow. 

He left the room, not wanting to wail in his defeat. He needed to pick himself up. Maybe he should go meet Marie. She would surely shower him in compliments and then take him around Chaldea to taunt everyone with their combined cuteness. 

Yeah, that should cheer him up.

*

 **HopelessRomantic:** Help

 **HopelessRomantic:** I need tips on how to _unsee_ Reliable Trainee as a girl

 **Magi☆Mari:** I sounds like someone is in denial~

 **Magi☆Mari:** I didn’t think your imagination would take you this far so quickly

 **HopelessRomantic:** IT’S NOT MY IMAGINATION

 **HopelessRomantic:** HE ACTUALLY CROSSDRESSED

 **Magi☆Mari:** :DDDDDDDDD

 **HopelessRomantic:** HE WAS SO STUPIDLY CUTE

 **Magi☆Mari:** I thought I would need at least two more weeks to convince you to actually seriously consider this scenario

 **HopelessRomantic:** HE WAS ALMOST AS CUTE AS YOU

 **Magi☆Mari:** Wait, what?!

 **Magi☆Mari:** That can’t be!!!!

 **HopelessRomantic:** HE WAS

 **Magi☆Mari:** I take back what I was saying! You are right! This is a crisis!!!

*

The monochrome landscape stretched as far as the eye could see. Only Merlin’s robes and flowers surrounding him brightened this desolate landscape. Gardenias. Was it just Rituska’s imagination or were these flowers usually appearing when they talked about Doctor Roman?

“Cheer up, Fujimaru. I’m sure your next brilliant seduction plan will succeed!” Merlin said, trying to sound reassuring. “If you don’t cheer up we will be stuck with this gray dreamscape.”

Ritsuka was once more moping on the table, looking miserable.

“I haven’t felt so defeated since Mash mentioned Doctor Roman wore a ring and for a few minutes I had this terrible vision of him being already happily married to someone,” Ritsuka admitted.

“But it turned out to not be true!” Merlin pointed out.

“So what?!” Ritsuka snapped, raising his head. “I reached the pinnacle of cuteness and all he had to say was, _Oh, I didn’t recognize you for a moment._ ”

”You don’t know that yet,” Merlin pointed out. “Maybe he was just desperately saving face before Da Vinci.” 

“Or maybe I should stop deluding myself and face the reality,” Ritsuka replied, utterly dejected. “He won’t return my feelings no matter what I do, because to him I’m just a coworker.”

Merlin waved his hand, as if to dispel Ritsuka’s negative thoughts.

“Now, now, I’m pretty sure he considers you a friend,” Merlin pointed out.

“But I want to be friends with benefits,” Ritsuka whined, from where he was lying on the table. “I want to see meek Doctor Roman acting bold for once.”

“My, aren’t you an unreasonable one?” Merlin chuckled.

Ritsuka glared at him.

“Says the person who keeps erasing my memories of talking with him.”

Merlin just laughed, while the flowers with red spathes swayed around his feet.

*

Roman needed to do something. 

Even talking with Magi☆Mari couldn’t solve the fundamental problem that Roman became effectively unable to talk with Fujimaru face to face. Whenever he tried to talk to him, his throat constricted and his voice just wouldn’t come out. Moreover, Fujimaru seemed to be avoiding talking with him. He would exchange a few words, but only as much as was necessary before returning to what he was doing. Roman had a strong feeling that there was some misunderstanding going on. 

Maybe Fujimaru _did notice_ that Roman was staring at him when he crossdressed? That had to be it. Why else would he be offended but that?

“No, no, you are completely wrong,” Merlin said.

Apparently, Roman was desperate enough to use his last resort—talk about his problems with Merlin.

“Look, I know you like to pretend to understand humanity but—” Roman started, annoyed to be shut off so quickly. However, Merling shook his head in exasperation.

“Just so you know, Fujimaru already told me his side of the story, so I _do know_ why he’s avoiding you.”

Words died on Roman’s lips, as Merlin’s words sank in.

“Y-you know?!” he stuttered, visibly flustered.

Merlin sighed.

“He vented to me for _hours_. I swear, I didn’t sign up to be his emotional support,” Mage of Flowers complained. “You should try to see things from his perspective a bit more, it would save me a lot of trouble.”

Roman wanted to retort with a biting remark, but stopped himself. He needed to know why Fujimaru was so distant. Even if it meant being nice to Merlin.

“Can you tell me why he’s upset?” Roman asked, forcing himself to sound neutral.

Merlin tilted his head.

“Well, I can’t really, since Fujimaru did confide in me. But, I guess I _could_ give you a hint,” he said, thoughtful. “So, this is just a hypothetical scenario. But imagine a girl. That girl decided to wear new clothes and put on some nice make-up. She put a lot of work into that. And then she goes to ask a boy what she looks like to him. What do you think she wants to hear?”

Roman thought on Solomon’s experiences with women.

“I guess she would want to be complimented?” he finally said. 

Merlin pointed finger guns at him, Roman couldn’t help wincing.

“Exactly! She wants to hear something nice after going through all the effort! The rush of anticipation! The maidenly feelings waiting to be answered! Ah, isn’t youth beautiful?”

Roman sighed as he shook his head.

“Honestly, I have no idea what any of this has to do with Fujimaru going through all the effort to—” Roman abruptly stopped, as the realization dawned on him. “Wait! Wait a moment…”

“I’m usually not one to meddle in matters of heart, but I must say that it was actually becoming painful to watch,” Merlin admitted.

Roman turned towards him, distraught.

“No, you are just making fun of me. It doesn’t make sense! Why would Fujimaru even want to impress me? This is just an elaborate joke, right?”

Merlin laughed.

“Ah, who knows. I will certainly agree with you that he could have chosen better,” he said with far too much honesty.

Roman slumped down.

“No, I can’t just accept this,” he muttered. It didn’t make sense. Why would Ritsuka Fujimaru, someone who had any and all Servants available to him, be interested in Roman? As annoying as Merlin’s comment was, he was right—there were much better choices out there. “Are you _sure_ that Fujimaru was trying to impress me?”

Merlin sighed, as he pushed several strands of hair out of his face.

“I think Fujimaru has never been subtle. Especially when he explained to you for more than an hour how much he enjoys having sex with anyone who asks nicely,” he pointed out.

Roman opened his mouth to say something, then he closed it. Then he opened it again to shout, “Wait how do you know about that?!”

Merlin stayed quiet, letting Roman slowly realize the truth.

“Just how long has Fujimaru been venting to you?” Roman asked slowly with a sudden feeling of foreboding.

“Well, I remember admitting to you that we’ve talked about you back when I met him for the first time,” Merlin pointed out. Gardenias bloomed around him, as his face split in a shit-eating grin.

Roman hid his face in his hands, as Merlin’s laugh echoed through the wasteland. 

*

The big takeaway from his meeting with Merlin was that Roman _really_ needed to talk with Fujimaru. 

It definitely wasn’t because he was putting off deciding how he felt about the whole thing. Flattered for sure and maybe just a tiny little bit excited about being liked by someone who wasn’t an AI. Someone he could actually meet and touch and— 

Obviously, it didn’t mean that Roman had any feelings for Fujimaru. It was just loneliness talking.

He was waiting in his room trying to mentally prepare himself. While Merlin seemed to be telling the truth, Roman needed to figure things out on his own. He knew he definitely _shouldn’t_ consider getting into a relationship. Not when his trump card for dealing with “Solomon” would erase him from existence. He couldn’t make everyone miss him more than they already would, but— 

There was a knock on the door.

“It’s me, Ritsuka.”

“Come in,” Roman replied automatically.

Fujimaru entered with a polite smile, but Roman could see his gaze immediately move all around the room. Fujimaru seemed intent on memorizing the exact layout of the entire room with just a few glances.

Fujimaru seemed to remember himself a second later, his gaze finally settling on Roman.

“Is there something you need from me, Doctor?” he asked. Now that Roman really looked at him, he could see small signs of anxiety that he used to not notice. A slightly awkward posture, and the way Fujimaru seemed to either avoid looking at him or stared way too intently.

“Ah, I just wanted to talk,” he said, gesturing to the chair. “I thought you would be able to relax here more than in the medical room.”

“Ah, that’s true,” Fujimaru admitted, finally turning around to close the door behind himself. “I just can’t help feeling worried, since Mash had been there for the last few days. She had really overexerted herself in the last Singularity. I hope she’s feeling better no—” 

Fujimaru’s words suddenly cut off, as he saw the poster taped to the door.

It was a Magi☆Mari poster. It was the only one Roman actually managed to have transported to Chaldea. He printed some posters using Chaldea’s equipment, but they didn’t look half as good. He really liked this one, though. It showed Magi☆Mari dancing at a concert. She was winking mischievously, while waving at the audience. The flowery clip held her long white hair in a ponytail and she wore a loose white outfit with black undershirt peeking from underneath it. Magi☆Mari looked like she was having a good time.

Still, Roman didn’t expect Fujimaru to fall completely silent upon seeing the poster. Roman couldn’t see his expression, since Fujimaru was turned away from him, but he couldn’t help feeling uncomfortable at the sudden silence.

“Fujimaru… hey, Fujimaru!” he said, slowly raising his voice. It was only then that Fujimaru snapped out of his daze.

“Ah, sorry,” he apologized automatically, turning towards Roman. “That’s Magi☆Mari?”

“Yes, haven’t you seen her before?” he asked, feeling curious.

“Actually, no. I only heard about her from you. This is the first time I saw her, but it… _it feels like I’ve seen her before_ ,” Fujimaru said, sounding strangely frustrated. “Or maybe she reminds me of someone? But I can’t really place it… Maybe I just caught a glimpse of her at some point…”

Roman felt himself freeze.

It wasn’t like he _didn’t_ have his suspicions. He did. It was hard not to notice certain similarities, but surely Ascalon didn’t have an internet connection. Right?! It would be like cheating to have access to a legendary place like that _and_ wifi.

“Yes… it must be my imagination… just that…'' Fujimaru repeated, as if he wanted to let go of the idea but couldn’t. It was almost painful to watch how his conscious and unconscious mind were acting completely out of sync. Fujimaru finally tore his eyes away from the poster and instead frantically looked over the room as if searching for anything else to focus on.

Roman was about to start some small talk to calm him down, but Fujimaru suddenly moved towards a stack of the books lying on his desk.

“A flower encyclopedia?” Fujimaru asked, picking up the book and turning towards Roman. “I didn’t know you were interested in flowers, Doctor.”

“Ahahaha, not really. I was just checking something and forgot to return the book to our library,” he said. Truth was he borrowed the book, because he had been trying to find some pattern to the way various flowers manifested around Merlin. Surely, there was some reason why certain flowers appeared more often than others, but Roman had yet to figure it out. His most recent theory was that there was some hidden meaning to how often various families of flowers manifested.

Fujimaru was flicking through the book, looking happy to take his mind off the strange feelings he had over seeing Magi☆Mari. Roman promised himself to kick Merlin the next chance he had for putting poor Fujimaru through this. That bastard acted like his memory erasing was safe and had no negative side-effects. Roman was dumb to trust him even for a second in that regard.

“Wow, this is actually very fascinating,” Fujimaru said, clearly forcing himself. Roman faked a smile, while he imagined repeatedly punching Merlin in his dumb smug face. He watched Fujimaru stop on one page, it seemed something caught his attention. “Oh, gardenias. It’s been so long since I saw one…”

Fujimaru’s voice once more trailed off as his mind wrestled with yet another discrepancy. Roman decided that just punching Merlin was not enough, he would need to kick him a few times for good measure. Roman patiently waited for Fujimaru to regain himself. Frustratingly, there wasn’t anything he could do for him right now, other than pretend he hadn’t noticed his strange behaviour. 

“Oh, did you know,” Fujimaru said, as he finally snapped out of his stupor. He seemed unfocused and his gaze moved erratically over the page until it stopped on some random passage. “In the language of flowers gardenias mean purity, sweetness, and… _secret love_...”

Fujimaru practically spat the last one, as if the gardenias had mortally offended him. He was staring at the book in disgust, clenching the cover with too much strength. Roman just froze, because this couldn’t be right. Surely, the language of flowers couldn’t have been the secret code he had been looking for. 

It just couldn’t be true. Merlin wasn’t even capable of loving someone. Roman even initially dismissed flower language precisely because it was too human, but— 

Roman looked at Fujimaru’s quiet rage. There was only one reason why he would be so angry over the hidden meaning of gardenias. He must have seen them too. Even if his conscious mind wasn’t aware of what had been causing the feeling, Roman could imagine the betrayal Fujimaru was experiencing right now.

Really, Merlin was such an annoying, no good…

Before he knew it, Roman approached Fujimaru and gently pried the book from his shaking hands. Fujimaru stared at him. He looked so lost and hurt, it was heart-wrenching.

“It’s alright,” Roman said, trying to sound reassuring, as he placed the book back on the desk. “Everything will be alright, Fujimaru.”

“I…” Fujimaru started, but his voice seemed to fail him. He looked panicked. Without thinking, Roman pulled him into a hug, hoping it would calm him down. It must have been terrible for Fujimaru, suddenly being assaulted with so many emotions he couldn’t even begin to process. “I don’t understand…”

“Don’t try to think about it,” Roman said slowly. “You… you are safe.”

Fujimaru was still shaking slightly in his arms. Roman wasn’t even sure how to go about helping him. He couldn’t just tell him not to worry about Merlin, because Fujimaru wouldn’t even know what he was talking about. It was such a mess all because of Merlin— 

—oh, who was he kidding, it was his fault.

Roman tightened his hold over Fujimaru, as the sudden feeling of guilt overtook him.

He was the one who took out his frustrations on Merlin, making him seek out Fujimaru’s company and he was the one who begged Merlin to keep their identities an utmost secret. Merlin kept visiting Fujimaru, but while he probably did it in some part to amuse himself, his visits must have meant a lot to Fujimaru. He wouldn’t be so upset if it wasn’t the case.

It wasn’t Merlin. It was Roman’s own cowardice that pushed Fujimaru away and made him feel like he could only confide his fears to Merlin. If Roman had been a bit more honest with himself, then Fujimaru might not have suffered so much.

“It’s okay, Fujimaru. I’m here for you,” he said, gently. “I will stay with you until you feel better.”

“Really?” Fujimaru asked. He sounded a bit like a lost child.

“Really. You are always taking care of everyone. So it’s my turn to support you,” Roman promised. He gently rubbed Fujimaru’s back, hoping it would make him feel better.

Fujimaru was strangely quiet. He just kept clinging to Roman’s coat as if he was afraid of letting go. It was as if his presence was the only thing keeping Ritsuka’s fragmented mind together right now.

“Doctor…” When Fujimaru finally spoke his voice was small and timid. It was nothing like his usual cheerful voice. “Do you—Do you like me?”

Roman felt his throat constrict. He hadn’t been prepared for this. He wasn’t prepared, but he needed to say something. Staying quiet would just hurt Fujimaru even more. And it wasn’t like Roman disliked him. Quite the opposite, he relished his company, even if Ritsuka enjoyed teasing him a bit too much. His looks weren't bad either. 

Surely, Roman could admit this much. He didn’t want to enter a relationship. Not when their... _his_ prospects looked so grim. But he could at least say out loud how he felt. Even those feelings were bound to turn into nothing more than a short-lived dream.

He opened his mouth to say it, but then from above Fujimaru’s shoulder he saw the poster. The smile on Magi☆Mari’s face looked less happy than usual. It looked fake and her gaze reminded him much more of a certain mage he knew. How strange, Roman avoided admitting to himself how damning the similarities were until Fujimaru came to shatter that illusion. It should have left him as hurt as Fujimaru was right now, but that wasn’t the feeling that was filling his gut now that he thought about it. It was a strange mixture of exasperation and something else. It was— 

—It was enough to make him hesitate.

“You are an important person to me, Fujimaru,” he said, settling down on the unsatisfying middle ground.

As always, Roman’s cowardice stopped him from saying his true feelings.

*

When Ritsuka met Merlin in Babylonia he felt a strange sense of familiarity. And annoyance. He wasn’t quite sure where all those feelings were coming from, but he didn’t have time to examine them.

He had a world to save and a primordial goddess to defeat.

*

Roman blinked as he looked at the unfamiliar hotel room he found himself in. He was sitting on a huge and rather comfortable looking bed.

The last thing he could remember was being forced to go take a break and deciding to catch some much needed sleep— 

—Wait, was this actually a dream? He thought he was incapable of seeing anything other than his usual nightmare when sleeping.

Roman blinked, realizing that the room wasn’t completely unfamiliar. Rather it seemed to be a mishmash of different, but familiar elements. However, before he could begin to dissect where each part of decor came from, the door swung open.

“Sorry to keep you waiting! Everyone’s favourite idol, Magi☆Mari, is finally here!” she announced. Her long hair swayed, as she struck a pose and winked.

Roman blinked, as his mind tried to catch up with this sudden development. He and his favourite idol alone in a hotel room? That was an extremely self-indulgent dream. It was so far from his usual nightmare it felt too good to be true— 

Oh, of course.

Roman made sure to smile widely.

“It’s you! I didn’t think I would ever meet you, Magi☆Mari!” he exclaimed. It was surprisingly easy to play along. Probably because it was a scripted dream. If Roman tried to act against it, the illusion would probably shatter, but if he played along then everything would go according to the script. Whoever created this dream probably counted on Roman being too caught up in the fantasy and not noticing the fine print.

But he did and he had a choice now. He could pull on the curtain and expose the culprit. It wasn’t even a mystery. The whole setup was so obvious, Roman couldn’t help wondering if he wasn’t being taken for too much of a fool. 

Magi☆Mari winked, as she leaned forward.

“What do you mean, you didn’t think you would meet me? I’ve been dying to meet you, you know,” she said with a pout. She looked really cute as she did. “We’ve known each other for so long, of course I wanted to see you.”

She looked more bashful now, using one hand to fiddle with her hair.

“I-I see,” Roman stammered despite himself. He was glad for the script helping him along. “I never thought you would…”

Magi☆Mari moved forward. Now that she was closer, Roman realized she was rather short. It shouldn’t have been a surprise, he knew her height along with other miscellaneous facts about her. She had to be shorter than Roman.

Maybe because _he_ wasn’t. Annoyingly, they were the same height.

Roman was pulled out of his thoughts when she flicked him in the head. He winced.

“You are thinking too much,” she chastised him. “I went through so much effort to meet you and all you are doing is spacing out!”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you feel bad,” he said quickly.

Magi☆Mari took another step, she was so close Roman couldn’t help feeling overwhelmed.

“You shouldn’t think about other things when you are with me,” she said.

Somehow that helped Roman relax more than anything. He chuckled.

“But I was thinking about you,” he admitted. He stretched his hand to gently touch her cheek. “I’m always thinking about you.”

Magi☆Mari laughed as she moved forward making him fall on the bed behind him.

Roman didn’t resist, as he let himself fall into the happiest dream he had ever experienced.

* 

In the chaos caused by Caster Gilgamesh’s scheming, many people failed to notice Roman’s incoherent rambling about a dream he had.

Ritsuka noticed.

He didn’t know why but hearing about it made him clench his fist so tightly it hurt.

*

“Thank you for helping me out, Fujimaru,” Doctor Roman said, smiling at him.

“Oh, no, it’s nothing,” Ritsuka assured as the two of them walked through the corridors of Chaldea. It was strangely empty. Usually at this point he would walk past some Servants, or he would hear some distant arguments or explosions.

Instead it was strangely quiet. As if everything stopped moving, and was waiting for— 

They turned towards an unfamiliar corridor. How strange, Ritsuka couldn’t remember ever seeing this part of Chaldea.

“Actually, there’s something I wanted to talk about,” Doctor Roman said, scratching his head.

Ritsuka turned his head toward him trying to chase away the nagging feeling that something was wrong.

“Talk about? Is it about the final Singularity?” he asked. They had only just returned from Babylonia. He knew Doctor Roman and the rest of their team were working hard so that they could Rayshift to the place where the final battle over the fate of mankind would take place. Ritsuka couldn’t even begin to comprehend that. He was still reeling from everything that happened during their battle with Tiamat. And then as soon as they returned Mash collapsed and…

...he could really use some time to sort out all of his feelings, but time was something mankind as a whole was running low on.

Roman laughed awkwardly.

“Ah, no, we are still working on that. No, I… What I wanted to talk about was something more personal,” he admitted, lowering his gaze.

Ritsuka just blinked at that. Wait, did he do it? Did he finally manage to unlock Doctor’s heartfelt confession?! Ah, no, wait, temper your expectations, Ritsuka! You probably only unlocked his sad backstory about being stuffed in lockers in medical school or something. But it’s still important step so make sure you— 

Ritsuka’s train of thought suddenly stopped, as Doctor’s hand suddenly slammed the wall behind Ritsuka effectively trapping him. It was so unexpected, Ritsuka froze. 

No, it couldn’t be… after all this time...

“I just can’t hide my feelings anymore, Fujimaru,” Doctor Roman said, slowly closing the distance.

Ritsuka just stood in place, letting Doctor bury his face in the crook of Ritsuka’s neck. This was all happening too quickly. Somehow, rather than happiness, all Ritsuka felt was confusion.

It was too perfect. It was exactly like his self-indulgent fantasies to the point where it was suspicious. And if there was something that Ritsuka had learned saving the world, it was that the scenarios too good to be true always came with a catch.

That’s right, there was only one person Ritsuka ever mentioned this exact scenario to— 

The realization hit him like a sledgehammer as all the memories and emotions suddenly poured into Ritsuka. He was so overwhelmed he couldn’t even feel Doctor move his head to kiss his neck.

The discovery that Merlin was in fact Magi☆Mari. The hidden meaning behind flowers. The wet dream he gave Doctor Roman. He could finally understand why he reacted so badly and now that he recontextualized them, all the hurt and anger filled him instantly.

And now _this_...

If it was any other time, Ritsuka might have played along. But right now there was too much resentment crawling under his skin like a poison.

As Doctor Roman pulled back his head so he could kiss him, Fujimaru aimed and, then putting all the strength he could muster, he slammed his knee into Doctor Roman’s crotch.

The man doubled over as he groaned in pain, but it was no longer Doctor’s voice coming from his mouth. Ritsuka watched dispassionately as the illusion melted off revealing a rather distressed Merlin.

“...why?” he muttered. He didn’t sound accusatory. There was only a bit of confusion in his voice, as if the suddenness of the act bothered him more than actual pain.

“You should be grateful that I’m such a terrible mage, because if I could use strengthening magic to make it hurt even more I would have,” Ritsuka said instead. Vindication was more important to him right now. Not that it would last. Ritsuka could already feel his ire rapidly cooling down. One of the reasons why he was able to get along with so many Servants was because he couldn’t stay angry at them for too long.

And even though he didn’t have a contract with Merlin yet, he'd known him long enough to extend that leniency to him. 

“I guess this was a bad idea,” Merlin said, as he rose from where he had been crouching on the floor.

Ritsuka winced.

“A terrible one. It was unfair that you didn’t tell me the truth, but to show me pity on top of it all was the worst,” he explained. “And even after I met you in Babylonia, you didn’t return my memories to me.”

All expression was suddenly wiped from Merlin’s face.

“I admit that keeping your memories sealed wasn’t the best idea, I will return them back to you now. But there is one thing you have wrong. It wasn't pity,” he said in an eerily emotionless voice. “I don’t feel pity.”

“You tried to give me an enjoyable wet dream because you felt guilty about ruining my chances with Doctor Roman. That’s a literal definition of pity,” Ritsuka explained in exasperation. “Honestly, you should have told me earlier you were in love with him instead of making a secret out of it!”

Merlin’s face remained expressionless.

“I think there is a misunderstanding, Fujimaru,” he said slowly. “I admit I posed as Magi☆Mari, but it was so that I could observe him. However, I am not in love with him. I don’t experience something like love.”

Fujimaru wasn’t even sure where to begin correcting him.

“That’s bullshit,” he said, settling for the most concise answer.

“No, that’s the truth. I don’t usually mention that to people as they find it rather scary, but due to being a half-incubus, I don’t really experience emotion. I’m a being that feeds on them to maintain the facade of humanity. But I don’t experience them like humans do.”

Ritsuka stayed quiet. Not because he agreed with Merlin, but because he could tell from experience that convincing him that he had far more humanity than he acknowledged would be a pain. Honestly, it was shaping up to be as much of a struggle as convincing Avengers that they still deserved love, the whole avatar of hatred stuff be damned.

Damn, he was really bad at choosing his battles, wasn’t he?

“You might have gotten that impression, because I kept feeding on your feelings of love. But it was your own dream of love that you saw in me,” Merlin kept explaining. He sounded resigned. It was so frustrating, but Ritsuka couldn’t find words to explain why it was wrong. It just— 

“That’s not true!” he shouted, unable to control his emotions. “Can’t you see, this—”

“This isn’t my dream,” Merlin said with the air of finality, as he waved his staff. Ritsuka realized what he was doing, but even as he extended his hand he couldn’t stop it. The dream started to fade before his eyes, Ritsuka’s voice stuck in his throat. The last thing he saw before the world disappeared into darkness was Merlin’s bitter expression. “It’s never my dream.”

*

Chaldea was vibrating with nervousness. One could feel it in all halls and rooms. Things were nearing the end, Ritsuka thought as he sipped the juice he got from the kitchen crew. It felt like any moment now a voice from above would announce that— 

“The time of reckoning is fast approaching.” 

Ritsuka almost choked on his drink hearing the familiar commanding voice. It was moments like this when he wished some of his Servants used their indoor voices more often. He almost had a heart attack.

“Ah, King, what are you—” he started, turning toward Caster Gilgamesh who was walking toward him, but the King of Heroes continued his speech without regard to his attempts at small talk.

“One fool insists he experiences no feelings, while the other fool is running away from them,” he said cryptically. Or maybe not, considering that Ritsuka immediately knew who he was talking about. Guess he was getting used to the fact that half of the Servants seemed to be physically incapable of telling him anything directly.

Give it a year or two, and maybe he would finally be able to understand half of Dantes’ nonsense. So far he was only getting the message that this particular Avenger really needed a hug.

“Yeah, that’s kinda the problem,” Ritsuka admitted. He didn’t even feel like asking how Gilgamesh knew about the weird love triangle Ritsuka was a part of. It just felt obvious that he would be in the know. “I was initially annoyed that Merlin was so ahead of me, but now I just feel like hitting him so he can realize he’s being stupid.”

“He’s been spending too much time cooped up in his tower. I thought getting some fresh air after being summoned by me would help him. After all, as the first Clairvoyant of such power I proved beyond doubt that it’s possible to lead a satisfying life despite things like standing on the precipice between human and divine, losing your friend, and having to watch the downfall of your kingdom.” 

Ritsuka hoped that someday he would have a quarter of Gilgamesh’s confidence. Exactly a quarter. Any more and he would start acting like an insufferable jerk, but a quarter should be just enough to help Ritsuka confess his feelings to his crush. And be slightly more on the top of the whole saving the world thing.

Oh, who was he kidding? Saving the world was easy compared to wooing Doctor Roman. 

“I don’t think you should expect Merlin to have so much integrity. He’s not a king,” Ritsuka said, finding himself defending the Mage of Flowers despite everything.

“He should have more pride as a Kingmaker. It’s not a role anyone can fit. And even if his king has failed, he shouldn’t have taken it as a personal failure,” Gilgamesh said strongly.

“You really care about him, huh,” Ritsuka muttered.

“He was my subject, even if it was for a limited time. But I didn’t come to talk with you about him. He will be fine on his own for now.”

Ritsuka noticed, but didn’t ask what Gilgamesh meant by _for now_. Was it his Clairvoyance speaking or simply a prediction based on his deep understanding of humans? Who knew. Not that Ritsuka didn’t suspect Merlin would end up hurt if he kept denying his own humanity like this. But it was a worry for another day.

For now they needed to ensure there was _another day_.

“I think I have a feeling what this is about…” he muttered. Gilgamesh took it as his cue.

“The time of the final battle is drawing near. While you have acted admirably in the battles so far, be aware that this will be the biggest challenge you will face yet.”

“Yeah, I figured,” Ritsuka said, trying to ignore the sudden tension in his stomach.

“No, I’m stating the obvious precisely because you don’t understand,” Gilgamesh immediately dismissed Ritsuka’s words, waving his hand. “This time not everyone may return from the battle.”

The sudden tension immediately transformed into a sinking feeling.

“Is this a prediction?” he asked quickly.

“No. It will be people of this era who will define the future of this world. It’s nothing more than a guess made by a bystander. It might be you, it might be your companions. It’s an uncomfortable topic to bring up, but it’s something you need to hear.”

“I see.” The sinking feeling settled down as a permanent worry, making Ritsuka clench his fist.

“I won’t tell you something boorish like, _make sure you have no regrets._ But I suggest you take care of at least some of them,” Gilgamesh said in a voice of someone who had already gone through all of that grief and pain.

Ritsuka nodded.

“Thank you. I… I will do that.”

Caster Gilgamesh acknowledged his answer with a silent gaze before leaving. Then he suddenly stopped.

“What are three things you need to check before using a condom?” he said in his kingly voice that demanded an immediate answer.

Ritsuka felt himself involuntarily stand at attention. 

“Check if it hasn’t expired, doesn’t have any defects, and if it’s compatible with the lube!” he recited. Even months later, he still remembered all the tips Gilgamesh taught him.... Wait a moment— 

“How do you know that?!” Ritsuka demanded, suddenly realizing that _this_ Gilgamesh wasn’t the one who gave him all that knowledge. However, Caster Gilgamesh was already walking away, one of his hands raised as he showed Ritsuka thumbs up.

Ritsuka couldn’t see it, but he was sure Gilgamesh was smirking.

*

Roman sighed, as he sat on his bed. Da Vinci had kicked him out of the Command Room not too long ago telling him that he needed some rest. Apparently, the little incident they had earlier made her realize that Roman was in fact a human who needed several hours of sleep a day. Who knew.

The problem was that Roman was too anxious to sleep right now. Even as he felt exhaustion fill his body like a poison he couldn’t calm himself now that they were so close to facing Solomon. Or rather whoever was hiding behind that facade.

He thought about it for a long time, but this… this wasn’t who Solomon was. Who _Roman_ was. Even if Solomon couldn’t ever grasp humanity he still yearned for it and loved it, even if he didn’t understand the feeling. It was there. Buried under his responsibilities and the destiny he took upon himself. Ironically, watching Merlin made him realize that. It was annoying at first, but the more they interacted, the more Roman realized that deep down Merlin probably cared for humanity beyond the entertainment value.

And maybe about Roman. Just maybe.

Sudden knocking drew Roman out of his thoughts. He quickly raised from the bed and walked to open the doors. 

“Yes, who is this? Oh, Fujimaru,” he said, as he saw Fujimaru standing at the entrance. He looked determined, as if he set his mind of something and was going to achieve his goal. Roman always found that look inspirational. “How can I help you?”

“We need to talk,” Fujimaru said, succinctly. That alone told Roman it was probably something he didn’t want others to hear.

“Sure, come in,” Roman said, letting him into the room. Fujimaru nodded gratefully before entering. Unlike the last time, his gaze didn’t stray around the room. Fujimaru seemed to be single-mindedly focused on something. Roman pointed to a chair next to his desk, but Fujimaru didn’t move from where he was standing. “So, what did you want to talk about?”

Fujimaru was silent for a moment, his brows knitted as he thought hard on what to say. Finally, he closed his eyes, as if making a final decision.

“I like you. Can we please have sex?” he said, as if reciting pre prepared words.

Roman would be lying if he said he hadn’t suspected this was the reason why Fujimaru came to visit him, but the bluntness with which he made the request still caused Roman to make a double take.

“You what?!”

Fujimaru sighed, as he scratched his neck.

“I like you in a not really platonic way and I’ve been keeping quiet about it, since you didn’t seem interested. However, I’m about to go face the biggest threat against humanity and it made me think that I should take a plunge and ask straightforwardly in case you just didn’t notice I was interested.”

The analytical way with which Fujimaru explained his reasons somehow made the whole thing even more awkward for Roman. Then again he couldn’t blame Fujimaru. Roman _did_ manage not to notice a whole lot of very shameless flirting from him. It made sense that for his final approach Fujimaru would just try to be as blunt as humanly possible.

“That’s... That’s a lot to take in,” he said, as he tried to stall. He should have been prepared for this. Merlin did tell him about Fujimaru’s crush, but somehow it still felt unreal. Even now that he heard Fujimaru say the words it still felt like he was dreaming.

Wait, maybe it _was_ a dream. Roman pinched his arm so that Fujimaru wouldn’t see to make sure this wasn’t another dream sent by Merlin. The pain seemed real enough to cross out that possibility.

“Is it? You don’t really look surprised,” Fujimaru said, seeing right through him.

“I mean, I was starting to think it might be the case, but I wasn’t sure if I was reading things right, so uhhhh…” Roman trailed off, as he tried to unsuccessfully gather his thoughts. It was just too much to process at once.

Fujimaru’s eyes suddenly shined with hope.

“So it did work?!” he asked, sounding excited. Roman was having trouble looking at Fujimaru when he had such a radiant expression on his face. “Did you think I looked cute while crossdressing?”

“There wasn’t a single person in Chaldea who hadn’t thought that!” Roman shouted, because he couldn’t see how _that_ could be a point of contention. “Do you know how hard it was on me when I had to listen to everyone on staff discussing how cute you looked? It was impossible to work in such conditions! I had to ban Da Vinci from streaming the video she took of you on monitors, because no one could get anything done!”

Fujimaru’s delighted expression upon hearing those words told Roman that he probably considered this his biggest achievement. Saving humanity not included.

“What did you like the most? I need to know!” Fujimaru demanded. 

Roman wasn’t prepared to answer that question.

“What I liked?! I… uhhhh… I didn’t think about it…” he started, trying to escape from the topic. However, his paper-thin lie wilted under Fujimaru’s intense gaze.

Fujimaru must have sensed his victory, as he prompted Roman once more.

“So what was it?”

“...your legs,” Roman finally admitted, because yes he spent the last few weeks thinking way too much about how well Fujimaru looked in a short skirt. Which admittedly wasn’t something that he should have been occupied with while they were dealing with the crisis in Camelot and Babylonia, but hey, he was good at multitasking.

“I knew it!” Fujimaru shouted victoriously, clenching his fist in satisfaction. His exaggerated reactions made Roman relax a bit more.

“Sorry, I guess I should have told you that earlier. I didn’t think you were that concerned about my opinion,” he admitted. Roman was starting to feel glad that Fujimaru came to clear that misunderstanding. Now, he wouldn’t have to feel guilty about crushing on Fujimaru.

“Okay, so do you plan to make up for that?” Fujimaru asked, coming closer. Roman had to consciously stop himself from taking a step back.

“Eh?” 

Fujimaru gave him a look, as if Roman’s surprise was downright offensive.

“I’m asking if you are going to make up for all that cold treatment until now,” Fujimaru reiterated. When Roman remained stunned, he added, “My legs are shaved and I came prepared.”

Fujimaru patted a pouch attached to his belt, which Roman hadn’t noticed until now. Somehow he could immediately tell what had to be inside of that pouch.

“Ummm… I’m not really confident I…” Roman realized his mouth was saying something, but it felt distant as his brain was still busy trying to process everything that had happened.

“It’s fine. I have enough confidence and experience for both of us,” Fujimaru assured him. Roman had no doubt he was saying the truth.

Fujimaru gently pulled him towards the unobstructed part of the wall. Roman followed him unsure what was happening. Fujimaru positioned himself so his back was against the wall, then looked expectantly at Roman.

“Slam the wall with your hand,” Fujimaru instructed. Roman blinked at him.

“What?”

“Extend your hand so that you will slam the wall,” Fujimaru repeated, stretching his hand to demonstrate.

“Uh, like this?” Roman asked, extending his hand to hit the wall, but he put a bit too much force into it and groaned in pain upon the hit. 

“Are you okay?” Fujimaru asked, looking worried.

“I think I overdid it,” Roman admitted holding his hurting hand. It didn’t seem like he damaged it. “It’s fine, it should stop hurting in a moment. Anyway, sorry for messing up, I think that’s not what you were going for—”

“No, it was great,” Fujimaru assured him, pulling him into a hug. “It was nothing like I imagined.”

“Is that supposed to be a compliment?” Roman asked unsure if he was being teased. However, he was quickly forgetting about the pain in his hand in Fujimaru’s embrace.

“Of course, it is. Dreams are nice, but I wanted them to end. I wanted to replace them with reality,” Fujimaru explained. He was holding Roman tightly, as if afraid that the second he let go everything will turn out to be a dream. He was silent for a moment, but then he added his voice much more vulnerable, “You shouldn’t feel bad about lying to yourself, because I lied to myself too. I told myself it was just a crush. But it’s not. So when I come back… I don’t want to say goodbye. Even if I have to leave Chaldea, I want to see you again.”

Roman’s heart was heavy as he listened to Fujimaru’s voice. This was exactly what he wanted to avoid. He didn’t want people to get attached to him in case he had to sacrifice himself. He didn’t want to leave them sad.

But that was just his cowardice speaking. From the beginning there was no way to avoid this. They spent too much time together, they struggled together, laughed together, and cried together. Even if he averted his eyes, that was the truth. So rather than remain oblivious, he had to face this.

He hugged Fujimaru back. 

“It’s alright. When you come back I will make sure to figure something out. I’m sure everyone else in Chaldea would miss you too,” he said. This would be his last lie. To make sure he gave Fujimaru one final happy memory before their parting, he would pretend everything would be alright. He smiled. “I would feel lonely without you too.”

As he leaned forward to kiss Fujimaru, Roman realized he was glad he would be able to carve this memory too. He would regret not sleeping with Fujimaru even once before dying.

*

For Fujimaru the final singularity went by too quickly. It felt like a flash, and yet like an eternity. They fought, putting everything on line, risking their lives to ensure the survival of humanity...

...and when the dust settled down, not all of them were alive to enjoy the bittersweet victory. 

*

Merlin walked through the dream. Even without ever actually appearing in Chaldea, he recognized its rooms and hallways. He’d seen them plenty whenever he used his powers to peek at the lives of people in Chaldea.

Merlin kept his gaze forward as he looked for one person he knew he would meet in this dream. He didn’t dare to look downward. He didn’t want to know what flowers bloomed around his feet. Or if they bloomed at all. 

He was better off not knowing.

Finally, he entered the command room to find Romani giving a briefing to Fujimaru and Mash. Da Vinci was standing by their side, hijacking his explanation from time to time. However, they weren’t what caught Merlin’s attention. They were just a part of the dream. What wasn't part of the dream was a second Fujimaru who was sitting with his back to Merlin on one of the unoccupied seats. He looked to be deeply immersed in thoughts.

“Here you are, I was starting to worry I lost you somewhere,” Merlin called out cheerfully. It was times like this that called for a positive approach. Sure, it could annoy some people, but the sooner they realized that mourning wasn’t really all that constructive, the sooner they would move along to do useful things. Fujimaru was very important so having him mope for too long would be bad.

However, Fujimaru didn’t seem to react to being called out. His gaze remained fixed on the people within the dream.

It seemed this dream was based on some sort of memory. Maybe it was a briefing for one of those mini singularities. They were always amusingly ridiculous. Merlin looked around, but there were no festive decorations, so it didn’t seem to be Halloween or Christmas. 

“Is it some sort of happy memory?” Merlin asked, but once more got no reply. He glanced at Fujimaru, but couldn’t make out anything from his back. He kept some distance not wanting to startle Fujimaru, but the lack of response was starting to get to Merlin.

He wasn’t used to Chaldea’s last Master being so quiet. Usually, he was very open and talkative.

“I’m sure he wouldn’t want to see you being so down,” Merlin continued, deciding to take a step forward. Annoyingly, his own words were starting to sound less certain. How strange. He usually had a perfect control over his voice. It took him a lot of time to learn to mimic emotions when speaking. To make his voice sound like that of a human at all times.

He wasn’t human. Only half of him was human and that was a half not enough. And then there was his Clairvoyance that distanced him even more from how a human should be. Even Solomon who was born completely human got warped beyond recognition just by possessing it. Merlin didn’t think much of him when he heard about Solomon. However seeing Romani Archman, seeing that possibility that should have not existed come to life— 

“Fujimaru!” Merlin shouted, as he grabbed Chaldea’s Master shoulder. He needed him to say something. Anything to bring back the normalcy that had been stolen from him— 

Fujimaru was silent for a second longer before he finally answered. His calm voice seemed completely at odds with the sense of urgency filling Merlin.

“You haven’t realized it yet, Merlin?” he asked, slowly turning around. His blue eyes were perfectly still as he stared back at the Mage of Flowers.

“Realized what?” Merlin asked. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed that the briefing had ended and Fujimaru and Mash were leaving. They were walking towards their quarters rather than the Rayshift so they must have just returned from the Singularity. 

Wait a moment, if this was a memory shouldn’t the dream follow them? And yet, as Merlin watched the two of them disappear, he realized that the dream didn’t shift to follow them. If this was Fujimaru’s memory, then it should have followed his point of view, which meant— 

“This isn’t my dream, Merlin,” Fujimaru said, affirming Merlin’s fears. “You are the one who pulled me here.”

Merlin took a step back.

“That can’t be true,” he said, as his mind raced, trying to make sense of what was happening. “We don’t have a contract.”

“Dreams don’t care for chronological order. You should know that better than me. This wouldn’t be the first time I was pulled into a dream of a Servant I had yet to contract. Dreamscape doesn’t care whether it’s in the past, present, or future—if there’s a contract I can be called into a dream,” Fujimaru explained. His voice was level, but a bit melancholic.

“I don’t dream!” Merlin denied. He never did. Dreams were a human thing. He couldn’t fall asleep. He couldn’t dream. He was— 

“Then do you have any idea whose dream this is?” Fujimaru asked, as he once more moved his gaze towards Romani. While they were talking Da Vinci had left, as did most of the staff. Romani kept adjusting the controls by himself, but once everything was done, he let himself slide down in the seat with a loud sigh. There was an empty cup of coffee by his side. Merlin hadn’t seen Romani make himself coffee so the dream must have been speeding up the time. Romani kept glancing at the readings to make sure nothing changed.

Suddenly, the pop music filled the command room. Romani took one more look at the controls to make sure everything was alright, before he started to type something on the computer before him.

“How are you doing Magi☆Mari?” Fujimaru said out loud, as he read his message from above Romani’s shoulder.

“Fine! I’m working on a new song! How about you?” Merlin replied in a cherry voice. Even many months later he could recall that conversation. It wasn’t deep or important, yet Merlin still remembered it. He turned to Fujimaru. “Whenever I talked with him I would use my powers to see Romani react in real time. He always made amusing faces.”

“That’s one way to use your Clairvoyance,” Fujimaru commented.

Merlin chuckled. For a moment there was silence interrupted only by the sound of Romani typing on the keyboard.

“You could say that. But if I can use that power there’s no reason not to use it like that. And that night. I remember talking with him that night and thinking _Ah, it would be more fun if I could talk face to face with him_. I hadn’t thought that before. I’ve been talking with him pretending to be an idol for a long time. But that night I realized that what I had wasn’t enough. So I thought I would visit him in a dream.”

“So this is a moment that started the chain of events that led to you appearing in _my_ dream,” Fujimaru said in sudden realization.

“Yes, we Clairvoyants don’t really get along, so when Romani saw me in his dream he was really angry. Everything went differently than I had planned,” Merlin admitted.

Fujimaru leaned in the chair he was sitting in.

“I get a feeling you didn’t handle the rejection well.”

“This is a rude, but fair assumption. Then again he had also overreacted on his side thinking I would out him as Solomon just because he shouted at me,” Merlin explained.

“Oh, so that’s why he was so panicked back then,” Fujimaru said in the sudden realization.

“Yes… he was an idiot to think I would sell him out like that. And then he wanted to apologize, but was too proud to do so… he was such an idiot…”

Merlin wasn’t sure why but his voice was failing him again. He touched his face to make sure everything was in place and realized it was wet. He pulled the hand to look at it and only then noticed that his vision was blurry because the water was also in his eyes.

“So, uh, is this your first time crying? Because you look really confused about it,” Fujimaru asked.

Merlin nodded his head, because his throat wasn’t working. Apparently, crying was extremely exhausting as his body purged the water and grief out of his body.

He shouldn’t have been able to cry. His body wasn’t capable of it. However, this was a dream. Dreams were places where even impossible was possible.

As Merlin coughed and sobbed, the memories of Romani flashed before his eyes. It was too much. He fell to his knees, which finally forced him to look at the flowers blooming at his feet. White Chrysanthemums. How fitting, one of the traditional funeral flowers, but also ones that symbolized loyal love. Just looking at their blurred petals hammered the reality of the situation into him. 

Romani was not coming back. He had erased himself out of existence. 

The grief was too much. Merlin could handle other people’s emotions, but his own were too overwhelming. So he cried them out until his throat hurt. For the first time in his life, he cried.

It was a long, exhausting and terrible experience.

Five minutes later, he finally rose up from where he had been crouching on the floor.

“Are you okay now?” Fujimaru asked. He had tried to approach Merlin at one point, but he had been stopped. If he had come close Merlin could end up taking his emotions on top of his own that would be too much to handle.

“Yes, let me just adjust my throat,” he said. It was a dream so with some manipulation Merlin could undo things like sore throat or bags under his eyes. As he finished, all traces of his crying fit were gone as if it never happened. “Ah, that’s better. I must thank you for your assistance, Fujimaru.”

“Uh, you are welcome, though I’m not sure if I actually helped in any way.”

“Oh, you did,” Merlin reassured him, as he sat on the chair next to Fujimaru. “You see, normally it’s impossible for me to cry. My body just isn’t constructed in the way that allows me to do that.”

“Then what was _that_?”

“That was why I had subconsciously called you into this dream. Because we shared the feeling of loss I could share your sorrow in the most literal sense. I think I finally understand why humans consider crying cathartic. It’s absolutely terrible to go through, but you do end up feeling better once you are done with it. Definitely beats isolating yourself in a tower for eternity.”

Fujimaru sighed.

“Well, guess that calling me so you can use my ugly crying for reference is better than having to fight something. And well, if you are feeling better, I guess I can get to the point,” he said, as he stood up from the chair.

“Get to the point?”

“Yes,” Fujimaru said, as he stood before Merlin. His voice was determined, as he announced, “I’m going to bring Doctor Roman back, and I want you to help me with that.”

Merlin just stared at him.

“He had literally erased his very being with the most powerful spell in existence. You can’t just bring him back,” he argued, because it was an impossible task. There was just no way— 

“Even so, I will continue to dream,” Fujimaru said. “And I want to share that dream with you.”

The memory around them shattered, as Fujimaru’s will warped the dreamscape. And then Merlin saw it. The three of them talking and joking together, not bound by their past or their duty of saving the world. Enjoying themselves without having to worry about anything. It was a beautiful dream. 

A dream which now belonged to him. 

“You really are a splendid Master, Fujimaru,” Merlin said, feeling impressed. 

“Splendid enough to make a contract with the famous Mage of Flowers?” he asked, as he smiled at Merin.

“Yes, being able to show me such an incredible dream… I think that’s a qualification enough,” he said, as he extended his hand to Fujimaru. Fujimaru took it, sealing the deal. The magic glowed, as Merlin finalized the contract with them.

The glowing magic illuminated the daffodils that bloomed wildly around them as if to celebrate their newly forged bond.

“Well then, allow me to reintroduce myself,” Merlin said, as the shine of magic disappeared. “I’m the Mage of Flowers, Merlin. I’m here to help turn your dreams into reality, Master.”

“And I’m Ritsuka Fujimaru. I will make sure to bring the dream the three of us shared to life,” he affirmed.

As he said that, the dream they were standing in ended, as suddenly as it began. However, as they drifted into the darkness soon to wake up, they knew.

It was only the beginning of their battle to reach that ethereal dream.

**Author's Note:**

> The flower meaning resources I used for this fic:  
> [The Flower Expert](https://www.theflowerexpert.com/content/aboutflowers/flower-meanings)  
> [FTD](https://www.ftd.com/blog/flower-meanings-and-symbolism)  
> [Teleflora](https://www.teleflora.com/funeral-sympathy-collection/funeral-flowers-meaning?flyout=off)


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